Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
sex in a hospital.. check
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
