my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i think i just lost a toe
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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