seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
