That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
