If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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