You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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