I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Randomize