it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
