It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize