Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
