Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize