Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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