"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
