You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
