this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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