haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
