Its about making memories worth repressing
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
