So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
