Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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