Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
