Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
