Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
