btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
