no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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