hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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