he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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