it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
