Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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