she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
