he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
