We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize