How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
