i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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