She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize