hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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