I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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