I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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