i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize