When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
