looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
