is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you mean i was at the winter classic?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
