He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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