Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
