I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
