I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
