Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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