what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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