i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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