So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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