At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
