I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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