her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize