true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
