..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
