im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
