sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
