Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize