Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
