remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
