im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Randomize
