as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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