i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
