okay pat passed out under dana's car
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
