so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
