I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
