nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
