Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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