I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
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