so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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