I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize