I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
