I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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