if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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