i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize