If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
