quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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