come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
