3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
