Can Purell be used as lube?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
