i permit you to call me
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
