is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
