Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize