lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
