My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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