so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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