i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
