It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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