You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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