The maid of honor just puked.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
whose parrot is this?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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