I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
