But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
