either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
