this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
