I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
