The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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