I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
