It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
These tits shall not be calmed
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
