Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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