Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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