Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
