at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
