Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
