lets start a swedish sibling band together
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
