is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
