I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
