She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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