I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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