Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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