Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
