people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
