Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
