It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
