she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize