Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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